


freckles

by reylofics



Category: BROCKHAMPTON (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 20:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16818109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: how was i supposed to know that you only wanted me tonight?





	1. matt loves joba

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna count the freckles on your face  
> rearrange ‘em put ‘em in the same place

He loves this boy so much. In fact, he just might love him with every ounce of being in his heart because he loves him so much that it feels like he’ll explode if he loves him any more. But he knows he shouldn’t feel this way. After all, it’s only ended in heartbreak every time Matt Champion has felt this way. He’ll pour his heart out desperately to this boy, only to be rejected and left broken-hearted. This, he’s sure of.

Still, it’s not like he can magically tell himself to get over it and stop being in love. While it’s entirely possible for Matt to stop staring at the other boy, he doesn’t want to. If he stops staring, Matt feels that the moment will be over and he wants anything but that to happen. If it was up to him, Matt would make this moment last forever. Like all good things, he knows that it will eventually have to come to an end, but he’s hoping to prolong that moment for as long as possible.

So, instead, Matt focuses all of his remaining energy on trying to count all the hidden freckles that are barely even distinguishable on the older boy’s face. They hide on the bridge of the other boy’s nose, a shade slightly darker than the rest of his face. Matt’s only able to see them because he’s so intimately close to the other boy’s face. Even when he’s so close to the other boy, Matt still thinks that he’s perfect. Where other people would find flaws in being so up close and personal, Matt finds none. 

Every inch of his body, according to Matt, is to die for. From the tips of his platinum blonde hair to the tips of his toes, Matt fails to find a single flaw. Even all of the strands of hair that rest down the front of his face seem to fall down like perfect jigsaw pieces. Every feature on his face compliments the others. Matt can’t think of a better way to spend his weekend than by admiring the other sleeping boy.

Hesitatingly, Matt reaches his hand out to trace the freckles on the older boy’s face. His hand stretches out to trace the blurred features and Matt’s surprised when his fingertips are met with the fluttering eyelashes of the older boy, who’s finally waking up. The other boy smiles with an air of caution at the recognition of someone’s fingertips on his face but soon breaks out into a wide grin when he fully opens his eyes and recognizes the face in front of him.

The older boy rubs his hands tiredly against his eyes, momentarily brushing the edge of his hand against Matt’s. For a second, Matt looks down at the spot on his hand where the other boy touched him and blushes.

“Good morning, Boba,” Matt says shyly, using one of the affectionate nicknames that he always uses for the other boy (other than Russ).

“Mornin’,” replies the other boy, winking lazily.

In response, Matt’s sure that his cheeks have begun to flare up heavily. He never gets like this around anyone else and frankly, sometimes he wishes he didn’t get this way around Russell. Shaking his head to brush aside the temporary lapse in thought, Matt smiles down at the other boy.

“Want me to make you some breakfast, Boba? I got eggs in the fridge and I can make you some bacon—,” starts Matt.

Russell, it seems, has other plans. He waves his hands anxiously to stop the younger boy from continuing, the smile slowly dropping from his face.

“—No, it’s okay,” interrupts Russell while peeling Matt’s frozen hands off of his face. He recognizes the look of confusion on his best friend’s face but, nonetheless, continues. “Matt, last night was fun, but it doesn’t change anything. I can’t get involved with anyone right now or anything like that, ya’ know?”

Calmly, Russell tries to explain his situation to Matt but, to be honest, Matt has already tuned the other boy out. He can feel his lips trembling already but he can’t cry. Not like this. Not now. Not in front of him. Then the tears start to form at the edges of his eyes. Matt looks up to the ceiling, trying to blink them away but they won’t go.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Matt realizes that Russell has stopped talking and he looks back down. This time, he doesn’t even care if he cries. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears that start rolling down his face in a wave of sadness.

“Matt,” Russell says softly, reaching out his hand to provide comfort.

The older boy puts his hand to tuck Matt’s already short hair behind his ear and Matt doesn’t bother to push it away, but it’s clear that he’s not exactly accepting it either. Matt just sits there, taking it. Everything would be so much easier if he wasn’t in love. Instead, he just sits on the bed, hoping that Russell will just take the hint and leave. It’s already hard enough that they slept together. Honestly, Matt’s not even sure that Russell wanted to sleep with him, in particular. He wouldn’t doubt it if Russell was looking for anybody to sleep with and Matt coincidentally happened to be the closest available body. He should’ve never slept with him.

“Hey, Matt,” Russell slowly says, “we’re still friends?”

Even though he poses it as a question, it feels like a statement to Matt. Because, of course, Russell would be the one to decide that for them. Even if Matt said no, there’s no doubt in his mind that Russell would let it go. Russell’s not one to do that. In their friendship, Russell’s always been the one to decide everything.

If it was up to him, Matt would probably cut off all ties with Russell after this. If it was up to him, Matt would’ve cut off all ties after he realized he was in love with him (because the older boy doesn’t “do” love). But, like all aspects of their friendship, it’s not really up to him. Matt remembers the one time he tried to cut off ties with Russell but, ultimately, he came back to him after Russell tried a numerous amount of ways to apologize to him and win back his friendship. After the 20th time, Matt gave in and agreed to be friends again (though it wasn’t really his choice; he only agreed because he didn’t know when and if Russell was ever going to stop).

Ultimately, Matt decides on saying, “Yes.”

And that’s all he says. Matt says it with a certain edge to his voice and, at this point, Matt feels like he’s going to snap if Russell doesn’t leave already. Luckily for the other boy, Russell withdraws his hand from Matt’s hair and hastily shoves it down to his hand. He isn’t to this type of abrasiveness from his best friend and the shock is evident on his face. His freckles are now all scrunched up together and Matt hates how quick he is to notice this.

With a certain sadness accompanying his elongated movements, Russell rolls out of Matt’s bed with just his underwear on, searching for the rest of his belongings. He looks to Matt for an answer and Matt, still crying and sniffling as quietly as he can, points to the corner of the room. There, Russell’s clothes are all jumbled up together in a neat pile. For a moment, Russell is torn between leaving and staying when he sees how sweet the younger boy has been towards him during his time at Matt’s apartment. He remembers the look on Matt’s face when he asked if he wanted breakfast and he can’t help but to almost start crying at that. Then he reminds himself that he can’t go through this. It would almost be like he’s asking for a broken heart if he stayed and tried to pretend like they were a real couple, like everything was fine for one day.

Almost grudgingly, Russell scoops his pile of clothes up into his arms after throwing his jeans on. He sees his shoes also neatly placed by the door and is about to go get them when he can’t help but to turn around before he leaves. When he turns around, all he sees is Matt trying his hardest not to break down in front of him. Though they’ve never done anything like this before, Russell can still recognize when his best friend is trying to hide something from him. He’s not exactly sure what the other boy’s trying to hide from him, yet he still knows that whatever it is—it’s slowly tearing Matt up inside.

Even though it’s clear that Matt’s not happy with him, Russell knows that they’re best friends above anything else and he can’t just leave him here like this. Sloppily, he drops his remaining clothes on the floor and goes back over to join Matt on the bed in a split second decision. As soon as his body meets the bed, he embraces Matt in a tight hug, holding the back of the younger boy’s head against his bare chest. It’s then that he can feel Matt breaking down into him.

Russell feels the other boy shallowly breathing into his chest as he runs his fingers through Matt’s dark hair in an attempt to soothe him. Almost immediately, he can feel Matt responding to the nurturing action and his breathing slowly begins to even out. The tears are still running down his cheeks but not as loudly as they were before. Matt, admittably, wishes they could stay like this forever, wrapped up in each other. Secretly, Russell wishes for the same.

But like all good things, the hug eventually comes to an end and Russell pulls away discreetly. Matt doesn’t even realize that he’s not leaning into the other boy anymore until he opens his eyes and sees Russell slipping his shoes on by the door while he tugs his hoodie over his head. Matt almost calls out for his Boba but Russell doesn’t look back again. The only thing Matt gets is a wave of the hand from Russell as he walks out the door and the lock clicks.

On opposite sides of the door, both boys can’t help but to feel like their friendship isn’t really a friendship anymore. Russell’s not sure when and if he’ll ever come back to Matt’s apartment. 


	2. russell loves matt (when he’s drunk)

It’s six months later and they’re at another house party. Luckily, it’s not at Matt’s house this time. Though he’s sober (possibly the only sober one at the party), Matt’s still not quite sure how he got here. He remembers his friend, Jaden Walker, inviting him over for “a really chill party” at his boyfriend’s house, who Matt was somewhat acquainted with. Seeing as he has nothing against Jaden Walker or Ian Simpson, Matt remembers telling that Jaden that he’d try to make it to the party—still, he remembers saying that out of politeness not truthfulness.

Matt didn’t actually think he’d come to the party. Because coming to the party would mean that he would have to invite Russell and inviting Russell meant having to pretend like there was nothing awkward going on between them. Over the last six months, all of their hangouts had been in public or at house parties. Their meetups seemed more forced and strained than usual, but neither boy wanted to attribute it to the fact that they had slept together half a year ago.

Oddly enough though, Matt had found himself knocking at the front door of Ian Simpson’s house with Russell Boring standing right behind him. Matt had almost gone to the party by himself but right before he had left, he sent a rushed text to Russell, asking him if he wanted to come. Like always, Russell responded immediately and Matt felt obligated to go pick him up so that Russell would have someone sober to drive him home after the party. When Matt arrived at Russell’s house, he could’ve sworn that he saw a hint of a wishful smile on the other boy’s face but it was probably just his imagination.

“Matt,” whines Russell against Matt’s shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Really, Matt should’ve moved away to begin with. If he had moved away, it’s likely that nothing else would’ve happened that night. But Matt had to admit that he liked it. He secretly liked when Russell got wasted out of his mind because those were the only times when he could pretend that he had a chance with the older boy. Russell would always snuggle against him and touch him “accidentally” in all the wrong (right) places when he was drunk and Matt wasn’t one to stop him from doing that.

He knows that the older boy is just acting out of pure stupidity like he always does when he’s drunk, but it feels nice to pretend that the feeling between them is mutual, for once. The nails (that aren’t his own) that are slowly inching up his back make Matt giggle and he quickly slaps a hand over his mouth in an effort to stop the sound. Russell notices the sound right away and laughs at the boy, continuing to drag his nails on the outside of Matt’s shirt. His drink is in one hand, his other hand tangled up in Matt’s clothes.

Sighing and bored now, Russell impatiently looks up at Matt. “Can we go home?” he whines again, waiting for an answer.

Matt breathes heavily out of his nose, meeting the other boy’s eyes with a hesitant look. He’s met back with impatience and, finally, Matt nods. Matt kisses the top of Russell’s head, something he knows he shouldn’t do. He grabs the older boy’s hand, gently tugging the drink out of his hand and setting it down on the counter behind them. When he reaches behind Russell to put down the drink, still holding his hand, Russell pulls him back in front of his face and smashs their faces together.

To anyone else, it might look like a kiss. To Matt, it’s anything but that. Russell has quite literally pushed their faces together and their lips just happen to meet in the middle. Matt stays frozen for a second, his lips still as Russell moves against him. He’s not quite sure of what he should do but he knows he should be doing anything other than this. A whistle from one of Russell’s friends nearby leads Matt to hastily pull away from Russell.

Matt’s mad now, though more at himself than at Russell. Still, he can’t help but to unleash his anger on the drunk boy that’s a few inches away from his face. Angrily, Matt wipes his sleeve over his wet lips, staring at Russell incredulously while he does so. The drink is still in his hand and before he does anything else, Matt makes sure to slam it on the table behind Russell, causing the other boy to jump. Russell’s drunk, but even his drunk self is aware of the fact that this is a different Matt. He knows that, somehow, he’s crossed a line here.

“What the hell,” is all that Matt says, waving his arms up in the air. 

If someone were to walk behind him at that very moment, he would’ve smacked them with the amount of arm movements he was making. Russell, understandably, isn’t amused. His mind is still trying to process what just happened and the sober part of him is yelling at him for kissing Matt, trying to understand why he would do that to Matt. Obviously, the kiss affects him, but he knows that the kiss is affecting Matt more. Russell is no longer smiling as a result of his alcohol induced emotions.

“Can we just go home,” Russell quietly begs.

Matt doesn’t say anything, he just turns on his heel and starts to head out the door. It’s an uninviting invitation for Russell to join if he wants to get a sober ride home. Like a lap dog running after its master, Russell trudges past the crowd of people to follow Matt to the car. He hears several people calling his name but pays no attention to any of them.

Ahead of him, Matt hears Jaden call his name and he pauses for a second to see where the sound is coming from. Faltering, Matt turns around to see Jaden with a girl on his arm. From behind Jaden, Matt sees Ian smiling widely at him. Matt gives a reluctant smile back.

“Hey, Matt, are you leaving already? There was someone I wanted you to meet,” says Jaden, beginning to trail off.

Out of the corner of his eye, Matt sees that Russell is standing alone in the crowd, waiting for Matt to continue walking out. Brushing it aside, Matt decides that Russell can wait a few minutes.

“I have time to meet one person,” Matt jokes, acting as if he’s met almost everybody at the party.

The response elicits a wide smile from Jaden that mimicks his boyfriend’s. Ian pinches his cheeks softly from behind him and Jaden turns around laughingly to tell him to stop. The action is enough to make Matt turn soft and forget about the kiss for just a moment.

“Cool,” says Jaden, turning back to Matt. “This is Tavia.”

Jaden beckons to the girl standing next to him. Matt steps forward and extends a hand to her but she laughs, instead pulling him in for a warm hug. Matt stumbles a bit into the hug but eventually melts into it. He likes the smell of her perfume.

After a few short seconds, Matt pulls away. This surprises him, seeing as he’s usually not the one that pulls away first. Tavia smiles at him brightly, displaying her extremely white teeth. She opens her mouth to say something and what she says confuses Matt until he asks her to repeat it again.

“Sorry, what was that?” asks Matt.

“I said, is that your friend?” Tavia replies, though not unkindly.

Matt also likes the way she speaks. She speaks like honey is dripping from her mouth, every syllable accentuated with a taste of vanilla. If he could hear her voice on repeat for the rest of his life, he certainly wouldn’t mind it. In fact, Matt seems to have forgotten all about Russell until he looks around his surroundings to see who Tavia’s talking about.

“Russell,” Matt says, almost incredulously.

Disappointedly, Matt sees the seemingly new drink in Russell’s hand and takes his other hand again. Slowly, he pulls the drink out of Russell’s hand and hands it to a graciously accepting Tavia.

“This is my friend and we’re actually just heading home, now. He’s a little tipsy,” explains Matt to a bewildered Jaden and concerned Tavia.

“Well, before you go, what’s your name again?” Tavia asks.

Matt feels Russell squeeze his hand a little harder. He doesn’t know why, but he returns the extra squeeze with a soft squeeze of his own. He refuses to look at Russell, though.

“I’m Matthew Champion,” says Matt. “But you can call me Matt.”

“See you around, Matt.”

With that, Tavia flips her hair and walks off with Jaden to greet more people. Matt feels a little twinge in his heart when he sees her walk off but he can’t explain why. Instead, he chooses to drag Russell out the door with him and into his car. Russell is unusually quiet and Matt can’t help but to feel like it’s his fault. Usually Russell’s the one comforting him but this time, it’s the other way around. The only time Matt lets go of Russell’s hand is when they reach the car and Russell has to sit in the passenger’s seat. 

In the car, it’s still uncomfortably quiet because Matt hasn’t bothered to get his stereo fixed. On the way home, Matt ends up rolling down the window to replace the static noise. The wind whistles its way into the car, street after street. And street after street, neither boy says anything. Matt is focused on getting home, so much so that he doesn’t see Russell intently staring at his freckles as if he’s trying to memorize them.

“Matt,” whispers Russell, tugging on Matt’s free hand.

“Uh huh,” Matt says in return.

“Have you always been this pretty?”

Matt hates when Russell’s drunk.


	3. russell might love matt

It’s funny how neither Matt nor Russell acknowledge having sex or kissing after it’s already happened. Instead, they both just choose to brush it aside and pretend like nothing has happened. There’s not really one reason why they choose to brush it aside. Part of it is stubbornness and the other part of it is the fact that they’re both too scared to reveal their feelings for each other. That’s probably why Matt’s dating Tavia now.

A week after the party, it had come as quite the surprise to Matt when she called him up (she said that she had been give his phone number, courtesy of Jaden Walker) and asked him if he would like to go out on a date. Matt had never been asked out before that. Of course, he accepted the request immediately. After all, he was curious about her and meeting her at the party had left so many questions lingering in his mind in the spots that Russell usually occupied. She had seemed giddy with excitement when he accepted and was eager to plan the date herself. A day later, she called him back and laid out the plan.

That same day, Matt and Tavia went to the movies. Matt recalled having to tell Russell that he was going out on a date when Russell asked if he wanted to go get something to eat. The other end of the line was a silent for a few seconds and he could’ve sworn that the way Russell eventually responded with “okay” was out of spite. Though, he didn’t pay much attention to the way Russell abruptly ended the call after that. He was too excited for the date.

For Matt, dating Tavia ended up to be the best part of his life. Usually, he looked forward to spending time with Russell, but as they grew farther and farther apart, he and Tavia grew closer and closer together.

Still, Tavia wanted to meet his friends. Today was the big day that she was finally meeting the infamous Russell, the last of Matt’s friends (and possibly the most important). Matt was nervous but he didn’t know why—it wasn’t like he was the one meeting his boyfriend’s best friend.

On the car ride over to the park, Matt was nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel while Tavia was humming along to no tune in particular. Matt still hadn’t gotten his stereo fixed but Tavia’s constant singing and humming were enough to fill the broken silence. He didn’t mind it. In fact, he tended to enjoy it a lot.  
Reassuringly, Tavia reached over and placed her hand on his thigh.

That was one of the things that was so good about her. The way she was able to sense his nerves and calm them down with a kiss or a simple touch.

Almost immediately, Matt’s fingers begin to stop tapping impatiently on the wheel. At almost the same time, the car slows to a stop as they pull into the park’s parking lot. Shakily, Matt steps out of the car, joining Tavia in the front of it. Together, they walk over the bench where Matt had easily spotted Russell a few moments ago.

Tavia gives Russell one of her infamous smiles that’s known for lighting up a room and Matt’s disappointed when he recognizes Russell giving her a forced smile. Luckily for Tavia, she can’t tell that Russell’s smile is forced and she chooses to bring him in a hug. Russell reluctantly meets her halfway into the hug but he’s staring at Matt the entire time. Matt forgets that he hasn’t told Tavia that he hasn’t seen Russell in a while.

“I’m Tavia,” Tavia says to Russell, introducing herself like it’s the first time that they’ve met (because Matt may or may not have told her that Russell doesn’t want to remember the night that they met and she should just pretend like they’ve never met before.)

He nods like he doesn’t remember her and Matt doesn’t think that he could be any more disappointed in the way that he’s reacting to meeting Matt’s first girlfriend. Matt feels like things might’ve gone differently if they hadn’t kissed at the party. Clearly, Tavia’s waiting for Russell to introduce himself or say something in response but the response never comes. Instead, Russell keeps looking at Matt with a look that Matt can’t quite pinpoint but he knows that he’s seen that look somewhere before.

“This is my friend, Russell,” Matt finally says to break the awkward silence, gesturing his arms to Russell. 

He doesn’t bother to include the several other nicknames that he has for Russell, including Joba, Boba and Russ. Tavia can sense the hesitation in Matt’s voice and struggles to break the awkwardness herself.

“And my friends call me...” trails off Tavia, jokingly expecting Russell to fill in the blank.

“My friends call me Russell,” says Russell flatly like there’s no other suitable name and Matt feels his heart drop when Russell looks right at him when he says this. 

Because he knows it isn’t true. His friends don’t ever call him Russell. In fact, he can’t even remember the last time (besides today) that he called Russell by his full name. He’s called him Russell on a few special occasions but it’s not a publicly ongoing thing and he doesn’t know why Russell’s making it seem like that. Russell is his birth name but it’s not the name that Matt calls him by in private and Russell knows that. Russell is the name that strangers call him. 

“I can’t do this,” states Russell out of the blue like his reason is self explanatory.

Tavia’s smile drops and Matt is in pure shock. Russell doesn’t say anything else, he just leaves. And Matt feels obligated to chase after him but he knows he can’t. Things aren’t the same as they used to be and he has a girlfriend now. Even Matt knows that he can’t go chasing after the boy he loves when he has the girl that he should be loving right by his side.


	4. russell loves matt

Russell’s pretty sure that he’s in love with Matt. He promised himself that he wouldn’t do this because Russell Boring does not fall in love. He even told Matt as much. Admittably, it was ages ago—before Matt met Tavia. But he can’t ignore the constant ache that he gets in his heart whenever he sees Matt.

Looking back on it, Russell should’ve never gone to meet Matt at the park. They hadn’t seen each other in the flesh (except for one awkward hangout at the mall) after the party. After the party, most of their conversations were done over text and a few were done over the phone. After Matt had ditched him to go on a date with the pretty girl he had met at the party, they only had two more phone calls.

So, really, Russell doesn’t know why he stupidly agreed to go meet Matt and his girlfriend at the park. He already knew how he felt about Matt and he didn’t know why he was subjecting himself to the torture of feeling worse than he already did by having to go through the process of pretending like everything was alright when it clearly wasn’t. 

In fact, Russell had wanted to talk to Matt about that night at the party. He rememberered everything and wanted to tell Matt that he had meant everything. He had definitely meant to kiss him and he had definitely meant to tell him that he was pretty. Russell had also wanted to tell him that he didn’t deserve such a pretty boy like him. 

But it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise that Matt was fed up with his bullshit and chose to ditch him for a date with a pretty girl. And, it wasn’t like he knew what Russell was asking him over for in the first place. Still, it hurt plenty.

Arguably, maybe Russell shouldn’t have acted so callously at the park when he hadn’t seen Matt in days but then again, he didn’t know how else to express his feelings. Secretly, he had been hoping that Matt and Tavia would break up after the incident at the park. After all, it was always him and Matt against everything else. It was hopeless to think that, in retrospect.

Now, it was Matt and Tavia against everything else. A year had passed since they had started dating. They were still going strong and dangerously steady, the last time that Russell had checked. Not that he checked often. Every once in a while, Russell would find himself clicking on his old acquaintance’s profile and scrolling through the pictures that he took with Tavia. It hurt him every time, but it was worth it just to see Matt’s smiling face. He remembered when Matt smiled for him.

If someone were to ask Matt who Russell Boring was, he probably would’ve answered with “somebody that I used to know”. They could hardly be considered old friends. After the park incident, Russell (somewhat purposefully and somewhat not) took himself out of Matt’s life. He felt like he didn’t belong and with Tavia in Matt’s life, there wasn’t really any room for him. Matt and Russell had always been more than just friends but Russell knew that Matt couldn’t have that in his life, since he had a girlfriend. Honestly, he was happy for Matt and wished nothing but the best for him. 

God, he was so in love with this boy and there was nothing he could do about it. Sometimes, he wished that he had never met Matt Champion.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave a comment/kudos <3


End file.
